Plenty of wonderful creatures have sprung forth from Mother Nature's sweet vagines, but God help me if I can explain the ectopic monstrosities known as spiders. Seriously, what the fuck? Just look at those things. And I'm just talking about the typical household species here. What about those ones in the jungle and shit? They're huge and scary and deadly.

Some are black with red hourglass shapes on their husks. Could Satan himself have crafted anything more sinister? They have EIGHT legs. They have a thousand eyes. And when they give birth they shoot out like a million of them at a time. There is nothing we can do.


I saw on TV that spiders don't like light or air. What do you get when you combine light wirh air? FIRE. Oh, those little fuckers hate fire. Take an aerosol can and a cigarette lighter, and you'll be an arachnoid Ghostbuster. You can kill them, their little webs, their precious babies, and steal their treasure.

It is said that spiders keep the insect population in check, so that's a good thing, I guess. Couldn't she have come up with a better system that doesn't even involve spiders or insects, period? They are going to outlive us all, you know.

the finger

Loud Bassoon rating scale

Review by Albert Stephanides