 Star Wars Episode I – The Phantom Menace (Original Version) (1999) Perhaps Lucas was disappointed in the feedback received at that screening, because his "official" cut turned out to be radically different and completely inferior to the original version. I had high hopes for the pre-release cut to be included on the Phantom Menace DVD, but alas, almost none of the excised content was re-integrated. It's sad that Lucas would take something bold and ambitious and turn it into a kid-friendly crowd-pleaser. Fortunately, I still have a slightly grainy Mini-DV copy of the original that I shot from a small spy camera hidden in my hat, and that's the version I choose to review. The original Phantom Menace is utterly brilliant on nearly every level – the visuals, emotions, acting, plot, and sheer scope of imagination are all stunning. If released officially, it would have gone down in history as one of the best-conceived and executed works of pure genius ever, topping critics' "ten best" lists in all categories possible. Its achievement in cinematic innovation is second only to its success in relating a powerfully universal story. The sheer amazement of this movie is difficult to process after only one viewing. Phantom Menace is not only what film was made for – it's what sound designers, art directors, cinematography, grips, best boys, assistant directors, second unit directors, costumes, movie theaters, popcorn, sticky floors, light bulbs, silver screens, curtains, and flickering light were made for. It's so wholly excellent, the bar is forever raised for epic entertainment. There's no going back, and nothing will ever be the same again. I predict that a generation of filmmakers will discover the original cut via surreptitiously-traded bootlegs, and revolutionize film 50 years from now, as should have happened in the ill-fated summer of 1999. The film opens with the traditional Star Wars text crawl, then leads directly into a jaw-dropping sequence in which the Emperor's troops invade a peaceful green planet called Naboo. From there we are introduced to the central characters: the two Jedi Knights (Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor), the Queen (Natalie Portman), Jar-Jar Binks (a CG character), and finally, Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd). Together, they go on a series of adventures where their mettle against the encroaching dark side of the force is severely tested. We witness first hand the old, "ridiculous" religion of Jedism. There are too many great moments to mention in the first half of the film, but at one point they are underwater fending off a classic SW beast (you thought the Sarlaac was sand-borne forever? Think again). At another point they watch an exhilarating "pod race" on Anakin's home planet of Tattoine (Jar-Jar Binks, as the comic relief, hilariously says "Me no can watch!"). Yoda shows up and tells Anakin, "I see much anger in you." We are then introduced to Doctor Vath (foreshadowing a future "DV"), a distinguished-looking dignitary with a beard who seems nice, and who cryptically says "Invasion." There's a giant fish who tries to eat a spaceship, but is foiled by Anakin in his first grand demonstration of The Force. There are skinny robots who take over the beautiful city of Vasen Tond. On top of that, there's a bad Jedi named Darth Maul who looks like the devil and gets some of the most memorable lines in the film (including the suspenseful "You shall pay for what you've bought!" … which is not entirely resolved in this installment). The Emperor orders Maul to "Wipe them out, all of them." By the end, the heroes have all become friends, somehow eluded the Emperor's evil robots, and learned something deep in the process. As has the viewer. Some favorite moments: the 65-minute dune buggy chase on Tattoine. A winking in-joke when Jar-Jar morphs into Dipsy from "Teletubbies" and presents a cute video on his Tummy-Screen. A shocking sequence in which the Queen removes her top and tells Anakin, "Welcome to Naboo." Liam Neeson breaking down and crying "I could have done more," only to be viciously attacked by Mcgregor, described earlier in the film by Chief Patterson as "a loose cannon with a short fuse and a taste for Shirley Temples." C3PO (having been implanted with an emotion chip) starting to cry and says, "Feelings … hurt," then freezes up and asking Anakin for oil. Chewbacca visiting his family for Life Day; in celebration, Art Carney and Bea Arthur sing a Life Day duet (after which Arthur bares her bottom and Carney does a funny "peeling an orange" bit). The incredible climactic moment when Anakin finally slides the crystal shard back into the Dark Crystal. And my absolute favorite scene of all, in which the Ewoks (in this film, a savage and brutal band of rabid animals) descend upon a planet populated by telepathic babies and viciously tear them to shreds with their fangs. This is not even mentioning many other scenes that are equally wonderful and surprising and even touching. The acting across the board is excellent, but Ewan McGregor truly stands out among the troupe Lucas has assembled. I'd almost suggest that his story is more interesting than Anakin's, at least in Episode I. I especially enjoyed the musical montage where he and Liam Neeson practice for the annual Coruscant talent show, to the tune of "I'm So Excited." We see that not only is McGregor a talented actor, but he is also a formidable juggler and physical comedian. Truly, no matter the context, the old "oops, I stepped on a rake" routine never fails. Another standout is Samuel Jackson, whose Master Jedi is both poignant and hysterical – calling the Emperor a "tired old honky," and carrying a bucket of fried chicken with him in every scene. You will not find a more subtle racial statement in any science fiction film, ever. His relationship with Portman in the film is not explained explicitly, but it becomes a central focal point nonetheless, especially given the ending of the movie, in which Jackson, lying fully nude across an enormous bed, lifts his face from Portman's thighs and utters the film's final, prophetic line: "You one sweet sister." And then there's Lloyd, easily the most gifted child actor ever. He has a surprising level of maturity, which not only adds to the sexual tension between Anakin and the Queen, but also between Anakin and Yoda. People were weeping openly when he broke off from his friends and earned money on the streets of Mos Espa by selling his body and dealing drugs. Thankfully, he is redeemed in a delightful street basketball scene that is interrupted by a gang of Tusken Raiders hooting and waiving their gaffi sticks in the air. But Anakin bravely fights them off by stuffing rocks in their eyeholes. It's a rousing, exciting sequence. John Williams' score again hits all the right notes, as it did in the previous films. Some people will object to the seemingly anachronistic use of Semisonic's "Closing Time" as well as other recognizable songs from Roy Orbison, the Staple Singers, and Phish. But I suggest that people wait to see how these will develop more depth through the next two episodes. Someday, this timeless classic will see the light of day, I'm sure of it. It's too good not to. I may choose to ignore the "real" version of the film, but I will always treasure the alternate, longer version. I have no recourse but to invent an entirely new rating to properly communicate the genius of this film: the cherished and unsurpassable Double Lobot.
Review by Crimedog |
