Parliament Menthol Ultra Lights

As a devoted Anglophile, I appreciate the British affinity for extremely light cigarettes—they've got a subtler manner of delivering cancer than their American counterparts. It's almost like you're not smoking at all, until the ol' emphysema kicks in.

Ergo, I was delighted to discover the sudden appearance of Parliament Menthol Ultra Lights, a higher-brow version of my standby, Parliament Menthol Lights. The Ultras are less harsh and chemically than the standard Menthol Lights, almost as sublime as the vaunted and much harder to find Dunhill Menthol Lights.

Upon their marketplace debut, the Ultras were quite hard to find as well, but one day I happened into my local Citgo for some smokes, and lo and behold, they had special 2-for-1 promo packs of the Ultras! This was surely my lucky day.

However, as in that Aesop fable about the boy who had all the chocolate eggs he could eat (I'm not actually sure if there was such a fable, but stick with me), the 2-for-1 special served as an ironic deterrant from my newfound favorite. As my habit escalated from a pack a day to a pallet a day, I no longer derived any real pleasure from the Menthol Ultra Lights, and required the harshness of the regular Menthol Lights to get any noticeable kick.

The whole thing has soured me on smoking, frankly. It's become a redundant act depauperate of enjoyment. I think I'll go back to my previous addiction, genetically engineering cat-dog hybrids.

Review by Eduardo Penís