Jessica Alba has a great smile, and intimidating abs, sure … but even if that's all you require for satisfaction in a movie, you'd be hard-pressed to find anything enjoyable about Honey. Written, directed, scored, and acted with all the subtlety and commitment of a below-average Lifetime original movie, this lame morality tale about a dancer forced to choose between her dreams of stardom and "following her heart" is just a sack of shit through and through. I have a high tolerance for positivity-pumpin' flicks in which an underdog with an irrepressible spirit makes all her dancin' dreams come true, but Honey lacks either the originality to succeed on a serious level, or the misguidedness to deliver cheesy Breakin'-like bad movie chuckles. It's excruciating in every way, all the more so because it's so fucking boring. Even the dancing is mediocre and pandering. If I had to say something nice, I'd mention that the film does feature L'il Romeo, whom I find funny for reasons I am at a loss to explain. The only way they could have used him to really redeem the movie, however, would have been to show him explicitly fucking Jessica Alba in the ass. Instead, I'm the one that got fucked in the ass, by Honey.
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