The Hulk (2003)
Directed by Ang Lee
Written by James Schamus & John Turman

Maybe it's the 2-for-1 Outback margaritas talking, but I have serious issues with The Hulk. First, the theater was hot as hell. Next, this had to be the loudest crowd since I saw Exorcist 3. I could barely hear the dialogue between kids screaming and the apparent outbreak of SARS around us. Who knew so many people could have bronchitis in June?

More importantly, though, I am a huge Hulk fan, despite not being much for the comic book scene. The duality of the Hulk is what I like. Who among us doesn't wish they'd get huge and green when upset and smash some shit up?

Now to the movie. Opening sequences are great, very fast paced, setting up the back story … then the movie immediately slams on the brakes for the next 40 minutes. The pacing grew so tedious that at one point the guy behind me was snoring.

When the first actual Hulk sequence happens, it is awesome. The CGI is better than expected, and the film comes to life. So I breathed a sigh of relief.

But my expectations were backwards. I expected great story, bad CGI monster. Quite the opposite. The Hulk pulls a Jerry Maguire … some Universal exec must have felt a love story was necessary to bring in the ladies. Complete bullshit. Not to mention that in one scene, Hulk basically becomes King Kong.

Hopefully the sequels will prove much better than the original, offering a real plot to follow. Other than simply: "Chase Hulk."

Also, while the film adheres somewhat to the spirit of the original Hulk comics (complete with Hulk flying over U.S. military, just as portrayed on the cover of Hulk #3, Vol 1, September '62) the Hulk does not commit the crime that sets up the original story. Therefore, there's no real angst for Banner like in the comics or TV series.

Quite a shame, because they don't recapture that feeling of loss, guilt, and shame, vs. raw aggression and passion – this Banner/Hulk has no duality, and thus no real depth.

And, like Apocalypse Now, they had no idea how to end it; I thought someone had slipped me acid.

Acting? Sam Elliott is great as "Thunderbolt" Ross. I love Sam anyway but he rose to the occasion just like the newspaper dude in Spider Man.

Nick Nolte essentially plays himself, but it works. Jennifer Connelly is always easy to look at. Eric Bana? Well, sir, let's just say he's no Bill Bixby. In other words, he's still alive.

Directing: Ang Lee made a beautiful looking film. The transitions utilize swipes, sweeps, multi-split screens, shifting points-of-view, enlargements, and minimizations to make the movie look like you are reading a modern comic. Once the Hulk gets out into the light, though, he does look cartoonish, perhaps just too "bright green."

So if you are old enough to remember the comics and TV series, you'll need to just check your brain at the door. Sure, it's far from perfect (especially the writing), but you're bound to have some fun. It may leave you longing for Lou Ferrigno, but that's probably nothing new for most people.

Review by Drunken Hubert