Nine Lives (2002)
Directed by Andrew Green
Written by Andrew Green & Tom MacRae
Nine twentysomethings spend the night in a house haunted by the possessive spirit of one of their ancestors, and are picked off one by one. Personally, I was rooting for the evil spirit. Nine Lives is badly shot, has atrocious dialogue, and is packed with ham-fisted horror "homages" that are actually just outright, and not even imaginative, thievery (one character is named Damien; the score rewrites the main theme from Halloween).
It's a derivative and unnecessary piece of shit unworthy of any attention whatsoever. That Paris Hilton is the best thing about this film should tell you something … and she's killed off about 20 minutes in. I almost would rather have spent the hour-and-a-half eating Tinkerbell the chihuahua's shit.
Loud Bassoon rating scale
Review by Mothra Stewart |