Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Directed by Jerry Paris

PA2 stinks like a big steaming chunk of Number 2. It introduces several new characters, including Tim Kazurinsky as a nerdy store owner, Howard Hesseman as Precinct Captain Lassard, the evil ass-kissing Lt. Mauser, and – in a scorchingly painful – Bobcat Goldthwait as gang leader Zed. PA2 is as sloppy as the first, just not as original. Basically, Capt. Lassard (Commandant Lassard's younger brother) has 30 days to shape up his crime-ridden precinct or he'lllose his job to Lt. Mauser. He asks his older brother for some hot new Police Academy graduates, and of course Commandant Lassard calls on The Beloved Police Academy Gang.

PA2 somehow manages to be even more irritating than the original, largely thanks to the unfunny screechings of Goldthwait (if you ever needed proof that the 80s was a horrible decade, unworthy of nostalgia, look no further than the rise of this jackass). Of course you get the added bonus of recycled jokes from PA, such as Larvell Jones making funny sound effects, Hightower intimidating people, and Tackleberry solving problems with gunfire.

The climax has Mahoney going undercover to infiltrate Goldthwait's gang, with depressingly unfunny results. 99.999999999999999999999% of the jokes fall enormously flat, and even the most famous ones – such as when Lt. Mauser gets his hands glued to his hair – are awkward and lacking in payoff, even from an anti-value standpoint. Not even the beloved George Gaynes comes out unscathed, though Mauser's sidekick, played by Lance Kinsey, has a few funny moments.

On a happier note, Tackleberry marries a leggy motorcycle cop, and there is one second of lame, contrived nudity. My hat is off to the makers, whose sheer laziness would be endearing if the result were even remotely entertaining. And to Mr. Guttenberg, who I hope made a fortune off these movies for his children's sake: someday I'd like to take you out back and personally wipe that *&$@#$ smirk off your %$#$%(*@#$&%$%#@# face, you indefatigable cocksucker.

Box Office: $55.5 million

Review by Crimedog