Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
Directed by Jim Drake

Police Academy brain fever has set in. After sitting through the first four of the series, I'm starting to fully understand – and appreciate – the logic of the PA movies. And though I was shocked to find that PA4 was the best of the bunch so far, somehow the others make more sense now.

Each opens with the same shot of the city from the water. Each tells the same story with a slight variation. Each offers a combination of bombastic orchestral score with Casio-riffic 80s pop (this time it's the awesome "Citizens on Patrol" rap).

It is a strangely comforting universe, a world of absolutes, where good guys accidentally prevail and bad guys (in this case, Captain Harris from the original) are subjected to bird crap, torn pants, crotch-sniffing dogs, bad hairpieces, mace instead of deodorant, helium instead of oxygen. If there's a fat man, he will sit on a bench. The bench will collapse on one end, sending a skinny man flying into the air. If there's a basketball net, a nerd will be slam-dunked into it – twice. If there's a cute little old lady, she will ride a motorcycle through a plate glass window.

Commandant Lassard will stare into space and mutter to himself, clutching his fish bowl. Tackleberry (now called "Tack") will solve a problem with his gun. Larvell Jones will solve a problem with a funny sound effect. If one person ends up in the pool, everyone ends up in the pool. We will finally see Callahan's nipples. Someone will find themselves at the Blue Oyster Bar, forced to tango with gay men in leather. There will be training montages and random party scenes that have no logical reason to exist. The police will not actually capture the criminals, they will instead send them splashing into the bay, never to appear again. Yes, it all makes sense now.

Even the Ninjas on the pirate ship. Where'd they come from? How did the cops know there would be Ninjas? Sweet Jesus it doesn't matter! The Ninjas simply are. The pirate ship simply is. By the same token, there are just enough hot air balloons and early 20th-Century biplanes to stage a wacky air chase involving all of the characters. Perhaps my Zen acceptance of these films at this point is a mirror of the actors themselves, for Steve Guttenberg seems noticeably less smarmy and Bobcat Goldthwait seems noticeably quieter.

It's as if all of us, audience and filmmakers alike, have settled in for the long haul. Even the supporting actors are better, with a young David Spade showing off his skateboarding skills (along with a cameo by skate hero Tony Hawk) and a pre-Basic Instinct Sharon Stone as Nameless Love Interest #4. At this rate, you might reasonably say I'm looking forward to watching the final three PA movies. The worst is surely over.

Box Office: $28.1 million

Review by Crimedog