 Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach (1988) Remember back in the PA4 review when I said "The worst is surely over"? Remember that? Well I was actually WRONG! I knew I was in trouble when Bubba Smith got top billing on this one (another warning sign is when a movie title has two colons). Plot? Somehow, everyone ends up going to – you guessed it – Miami Beach. A point which is underscored when the words "We're going to Miami Beach!" are spoken like 8,000 times in the first 20 minutes. The lovable Commandant Lassard is being forced into retirement, thanks to evil Captain Harris, but in the meantime he'll be honored as "Police Officer of the Decade" at the Annual Police Officer Convention in – yes again! – Miami Beach. There's a subplot involving Lassard accidentally switching bags with a mobster (Rene Auberjonois) who's stolen some diamonds, and the mobster has to get the diamonds back. All of this is just an excuse to: a) show chicks in bikinis; b) avoid the nagging question of what happened to Steve Guttenberg by replacing him with Lassard's nephew Nick, a Miami cop; c) show more chicks in bikinis; d) heap lame comic abuse on Captain Harris and sidekick Proctor; and e) show still more chicks in bikinis. Thankfully, one of the chicks in bikinis is Janet Jones (subsequently married to Wayne Gretzky). What I don't understand is why she's at all interested in Nick, who's played by Matt McCoy, an utterly bland, forever struggling-for-work sitcom actor. She should be interested in me. Some lowlights: Tackleberry fends off a great white shark by pointing his Magnum at it; Harris gets the word DORK sunburned into his chest; Proctor lands ass-first in a cactus; an extended farting joke; a plunger in the face joke; a spit take; and the fourth PA film in a row where Larvell Jones does the "Badly Dubbed Martial Arts Movie" joke. The film builds to a stunning and gut-wrenching climax in which the gang chases after the mobsters – who've kidnapped Lassard – on airfoils through the Everglades. About 15 criminals are sent splashing into the water, in slo-mo of course. Apparently, the act of pushing criminals into the water, and causing them to fall screaming and disappear in a huge slo-mo splash, is better than actually arresting them and bringing them to justice. It's also a good way to get revenge on mean Captain Harris – and a perfect opportunity to have Bubba Smith wrestle a fake alligator. It's all perfectly summed up in a note I wrote in block letters and underlined twice about midway through this movie: TEDIOUS. Box Office: $19.5 million
Review by Crimedog |