 Psyched By the 4-D Witch (1972) Psyched is billed as having been filmed in "Trans-etheric Vision" with "telepathic dialogue," which roughly translates to "random bad freak-out effects" and "sound consisting entirely of voice-overs." It plays like an exceedingly bad but hilariously funny film school film crossed with the mentality of a Porky's. If it's the worst movie ever made, it's still a triumph—of absolute ineptitude on every level. Probably the reason no one has ever singled Psyched By the 4-D Witch out as being one of the best "bad films" ever is that no critic would willingly sit through the entire thing—but it's their loss, I say. The plot centers around Cindy, a teenage virgin who begins dabbling in mild occult literature, causing her to be almost immediately possessed by the spirit of a Salem "witch bitch" named (of course) Abigail, who is striving to "build a body on the astral plane" and somehow needs to use Cindy for this purpose. For reasons too "freaked out" for me to understand, Abigail lures Cindy into evil by leading her through a series of "fantasy fucks" which allow them both to share "astral orgasms," which are indicated in the film by "freaked out" swirly pschedelic effects and lots of fireworks. These "fantasy fucks" seem to be dictated by whatever random stock footage or outdoor setting footage the director was able to conjure up, and truly not since Ed Wood have so many scenes been explained away by convenient "Well, I just so happen to have a shot of the college campus, so this next scene is set on the college campus" sorts of set-ups. I'd estimate the breakdown of footage in this movie to be 15% stock, 20% random outdoor photography, 55% "trans-etheric vision" cheapo "freak out" effects, and 10% plot-essential shots (mostly nudity). What footage there is is miserably grainy, distorted, and/or ridiculous, and it is (sort of) synced up with some of the worst dialogue ever, including lines like:
"Make love to a female corpse? Of a FRIEND? You ARE satanic!"
The first line is Cindy expressing shock at Abigail's increasingly perverted scenarios for "astral orgasm," the second is Abigail talking to Cindy's brother shortly before turning him into, yes, a sex vampire. This occurs when Cindy is trapped on the astral plane by Abigail, who forces her to watch her brother's vampirrific sexploits, which as far as I could tell, amounted to poking an unconscious woman in the breasts with his cheesy fangs, which he was having obvious trouble keeping in his mouth. They may as well have been those plastic fangs you get in a gumball machine for a quarter, minus the scariness. Throw in a Rodd Keith-esque title song ("Beware of the 4-D Witch") that is repeated in its entirety upwards of eight times during the film (I almost thought I was watching The Graduate), and you've got a recipe for trippy fun unlike any trip you've ever taken, unless you've taken a trip to the astral plane to build a body and punish the reincarnation of the person who burned you at the stake three hundred years ago. Utterly unlike any movie I've ever seen, and hopefully unlike any movie I will ever see on any plane, Psyched By the 4-D Witch is a must-see for anyone interested in "cult movies," although you must have the peculiar stamina and oddness it takes to sit through this (I had to do it in two sittings—it was too much of a "freak out"). Something Weird Video deserves a medal for making stuff like this available, although I won't say anything for their karma.
Review by Tree Fresh |