suemas' bar, sligachan hotel

Seumas' Bar
Sligachan Hotel, Sligachan, Skye, Scotland, UK


Last thing I remember, I was partying with a debauched group of fellow Highlander fans at the Eilean Donan castle—aka the castle of Clan MacLeod—the water of life flowing in drams like eloquent lines from Christopher Lambert's Paris Conservatoire-trained tongue.

I must have been trying to drink until only one of us remained, because the next thing I knew, I was in a rented Toyota Aygo somewhere on the Isle of Skye. Beautiful country, but I was fuckin' lost!

I happened upon a couple of locals, Cairstine and Hamish, and asked for directions.

Cairstine and Hamish, a couple of locals

"Don't go baaaaaack, thaaat would be baaaaaaaaad!" they said in unison. I could see their point; if you've ever burned bridges with Highlander fans, even online, you're out.

They suggested heading up to Uig and visiting the Fairy Glen, known for its enchanting aura and mysterious restorative powers. Many a lost soul had found renewal there, they told me.

"Even Baaaaaam Maaaaargeraaa!" said Cairstine.

the fairy glen

When I got to the Fairy Glen, I was overcome with a powerful feeling of well-being. It had been a long time since I'd felt so peaceful, and yet also so playful. Truly, there was something uncanny in the ether.

it's magical fairy and scottish celebrity, kelly macdonald!

All of a sudden, a fairy appeared, as if from thin air! Not only that, it was Scottish celebrity Kelly MacDonald! "You're underrated!" I blurted instinctively.

"ᛢᛀᛞᛚ ᛝᚠ ᛤᚾᚹ ᚤ ᛯ," she said slowly, her calming voice multilayered like seven Enyas, and flew away hummingbird-style, leaving a spiraled trail of tiny, dazzling stars.

inside seumas' bar

What a reco! Seumas' Bar was the perfect place for a fantastic meal in a lively, homey, pub-style environment. Located in the Sligachan Hotel, it's a wayfarer's dream, performing on food and drink far beyond what they probably need to, in such a faraway place.

soup of the day: whisky

No shortage of whisky here, neither, with something like 400 different ones to be sampled, and whisky flights available for those staying nearby, or blackout-drunk-driving their way through the Highlands. 😂

seumas' burger and fish & chips

I had a burger and fries; pedestrian choice, perhaps, but it was what I wanted, and it was prepared to perfection. Absolutely delicious.

About halfway through the meal, Fairy Kelly MacDonald appeared with a thud, this time looking a little worse for wear.

Too much whisky, Fairy Kelly MacDonald!

I didn't even know fairies drank! She vomited, then ordered the fish and chips to soak up the peaty squall swirling in her wee fairy belly.

And I must say, those fish and chips looked better than any I've seen anywhere else in the world! See, this is why you always gotta trust the locals when traveling abroad.

Review by Wimpempy Tarlisle, July 2015