Walruses

With its big furry moustache and long ivory tusks, the walrus looks like what Teddy Roosevelt might look like if HE were a walrus. Although cartoons categorically typecast the walrus as a doddering, slow-witted sidekick (Chumly from Tennessee Tuxedo springs to mind, as hateful a caricature as Little Black Sambo … no, far, far more hateful), walruses could more than likely kick your ass, especially if there's a few of them. Three walruses on one human may not be fair, but it's fun to watch, as long as I'm not the human! Better yet, I'll dress up like a walrus and join in the fun. Maybe even get some walrus lovin' when all is said and done.

Unlike humans, walruses actually have a specific purpose for being so goddamned blubbery, and that is to keep themselves warm, since they live in arctic waters. Humans, on the other hand, live in houses with central heating but are pretty much just as blubbery. Yuck! Fortunately walruses do not have thighs, because that's where humans always go wrong. Although I guess I am amused to imagine a human trying to sit down and eat 4,000 clams, as a walrus will do.

Was Grimace a walrus? If so, add him to the list of images oppressive to the walrus community.

Review by Steve Nicks