Looking a Gift Bag in the Mouth

Out of the Bag or, Looking a Gift Bag in the Mouth
by Snaithbert Collins

Item #5: Cinescape Magazine

Move over Time and Newsweek, Cinescape is here, to chronicle the events shaping our world today. As long as those events involve robots, vampires, spaceships and hobbits.

Cinescape is devoted to all things sci-fi and fantasy and man, do they take their job seriously. This is the sort of magazine I would have loved as a kid, devouring every single article and then maybe cutting out some of the pictures and hanging them on my wall.

However, I'm about twenty summers past being a kid. And as an adult, this magazine doesn't really do much for me. Though to be fair, I'm exactly not the target audience. I don't live in my mother's basement, and I actually go outside and sit in the sun once in a while.

Now I love sci-fi, and chances are I'll see more than one of the shitty movies this magazine reports on. But as for reading about those shitty movies? Well that's a job best left to those who really, really, really love horrible Hollywood blockbusters, or those who just have nothing better to do (and aren't the two the same?)

This magazine reminds me of watching homeless people on the subway. Fun for the first few minutes, sad for the next, then just plain scary. But as I say, I'm not the target audience, so I can't judge it too harshly. For what it is, this magazine seems to do a good job. Big colorful photos, lots of "news" about upcoming movies, who's starring in what, etc.

I've got friends who would rather jack off to Cinescape than all the issues of Hustler ever printed – that's how much they love Hollywood movies. I prefer Hustler, but that's just because I'm a big fan of "Beaver Hunt." I think those ladies have real moxie to send in their photos like that. My point here is that Cinescape is basically porn for movie fans and like any good porn- it gets the job done nicely.

Item #1: "The Grudge" Hat
Item #2: "Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda" Novel
Item #3: "Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda" T-Shirt
Item #4: "Stargate: Atlantis" Postcard
Item #5: Cinescape Magazine
Item #6: The Top-Secret "I, Robot" Pin
Item #7: Monster Energy Drink
Item #8: Neutrogena Body Lotion
Item #9: The Bag Itself

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